Today is Zach’s & I anniversary! I can’t believe it’s been six years. It does not feel like it at all. So I wanted to share some other news too today… Zach and I got engaged on the 28th of July and we haven’t really told anyone…whoops!
So… now my internet family knows! I am happy to be engaged, but I’m finding that I have a lot of problems with society when it comes to weddings and being engaged, so I’m gonna talk about some of it today. I might make it into some form of a series, I see that’s a cool thing to do now- wedding blogging that is. I’ve tried reading a handful and they are all the same. So I hope that even if only one other person feels or thinks the same as me on any of the sections I talk about, that they know they are not alone.
This is a highly opinionated piece, that is my truth, and I’m not apologizing for it. If you have a different truth, that’s cool! I respect you, and our differences, so please respect my truth and my opinion.
The first thing anyone should know about me is that I have never pictured myself getting married, having kids, or living a “normal” life. It’s still hard to imagine in fact. It’s not that I didn’t think I would find love or that I wasn’t worthy of love, it’s that my life experience has taught me that I am better off on my own and I can truly only depend on myself. (I am also VERY aware of how “weird” and “different” I am and I embrace that which is something a lot of people find intimidating.)
When I was a child I didn’t play house, or dress up, or play with dolls (in fact dolls really freak me out). I was very much into being outside, doing arts & crafts, playing with legos and army men. I never imagined what a wedding would be like for me, like a lot of the other girls I know did. From a very young age, I have had very strong opinions on the topic of marriage and weddings.
Hopefully, this gives a little insight into why I feel the way I feel about the topics I’m going to be talking about today.
I find it insulting and awkward when people say “congratulations” on getting engaged. Zach and I have been dating for 6 years and have lived together, the fact that we decided to get married shouldn’t shock or surprise anyone. Not only that but when I started dating Zach hardly anyone said congratulations then, which I feel would have been far more appropriate.
I do understand that in general, we as a society say “congratulations” to celebrate a milestone or to express happiness for someone. But I’ve been happy for the last six years and no one thought to say congratulations during those, so why is now any different? I also understand it’s the polite thing to do. But I don’t care about being polite, I would rather people be honest, for good or bad.
How’d He Ask?
Usually, after people find out we’re engaged they want the details of how it happened. Honestly, chances are that I don’t want to share that info, and I think the person asking is being nosy. How it happened changes nothing and has no impact on them. So why do they actually want to know?
Internet family you’re different, chances are I don’t mind telling you, so here’s what happened: We went to dinner, had a really good conversation, and decided to get married. That’s it. And I wouldn’t want it any other way.
So When Are You Having Kids?
If one more person asks me when I’m having kids I’m going to punch them in the throat. I’m so tired of this question. First of all, it’s not anyone one’s business except for Zach and I. Second of all we aren’t even married yet one event at a time, please. Third of all how dare you assume we’re having kids, maybe we don’t want kids, maybe we want to adopt, maybe I’m unable to have kids, maybe he’s unable to have kids. Who knows. SO BACK OFF.
Can I see your ring?
Hell no. I literally hate when women post pictures of their engagement rings. Like I understand one, that’s fine. I’m talking about those ladies who are constantly posting pictures like every day of every hour. CALM DOWN. Oh, and prior to getting engaged they are all “when I’m engaged I’m not gonna be one of those crazy ring posting girls,” duuuuude…. staaap.
Are you having a big wedding?
Neither Zach or I are excited to plan a wedding. Go figure. There are just better things to do than worry about flowers and cake to be honest. What we do know so far is that we have picked a date, and in order to be invited, you need to have a direct blood connection to us. This means no extended family or friends. Who would have guessed we would want privacy for our ceremony.
My general thoughts on bridal showers and bachelorette/bachelor parties:
Let’s start with bridal showers; did you know the custom originated in the 1890’s and was for poor women and their families who couldn’t come up with an appropriate dowry. In these days friends of the bride to be would gather and bring gifts to compensate for the dowry. Society and culture has changed so much since then. Why on earth is this still a practice? Granted it is most common in the US and Canada than any other part of the world. It should go with out saying there is no dowry for me to marry Zach…. so…no bridal shower here. Thanks.
Not only that but can we talk about the lame games you’re forced to play. They are so cringe worthy! I have attended a few bridal showers and I think if I’m invited to more in the future I’m just going to send a card or something rather than going. Not because I don’t support whoever is getting married, I just don’t believe in the practice and I don’t want to spend my time playing lame games and making small talk with strangers.
Moving on to bachelorette & bachelor parties; to be frank I find them disgusting, in ill taste, and horribly disrespectful to the respected partner. I find it odd to be dedicated to a partner and somehow the event of getting married gives permission to one “final night of freedom.” Get out of here, that’s utter bullshit, and if you feel that way why are you getting married in the first place. Zach and I are in agreement that we do not want them for ourselves.
For these kinds of parties, I am referring to the stereotypical sort; excessive drinking, strippers, etc. I do know that some people have much tamer parties, and those I would be open to attending, I still don’t want one though.
Last minute addition: Since starting this piece I’ve told a few more people, and I want to add I’m really tired of people, in general, telling me how I should feel, or what feelings I will feel, or what kind of experience I am going to have. I think all of those things are up to me and only me.
I know this whole post was a bit of a rant, but thanks for reading it if you’ve made it this far! It made me at least feel better to get it all out in an organized way and it’s better than yelling at people when this stuff actually happens, except for the feelings one, I call that out every time. I’m open to hearing your own stories and frustrations during your engagements, or if you haven’t found someone yet, maybe you hate the pressure from people to “settle down”- basically rant it out with me in the comments people!